5 Signs You Should Seek Out a Couple’s Therapist

By Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Certified in Acceleration Resolution Therapy® (ART) • Studio City, CA

Relationships are living systems – they evolve, shift, and sometimes get stuck. The good news is that reaching out for help isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of courage.

As a couples therapist in Studio City, I work with partners who want to rediscover connection, heal old wounds, and rebuild trust. Over the years, I’ve noticed that most couples who come to therapy share a few common struggles.

If you recognize yourself in any of the signs below, it might be time to consider professional support.

1. Communication Has Broken Down or Become Harmful

Communication is the backbone of every healthy relationship. When it breaks down — or worse, becomes destructive — the emotional connection begins to erode.

You might notice that you’re talking but not really hearing each other. Conversations easily escalate into arguments, or perhaps one of you shuts down entirely. Maybe you avoid certain topics altogether to “keep the peace,” even though resentment quietly builds.

Common signs include:

• Repeating the same fights without ever resolving them
• Feeling unheard, dismissed, or invalidated
• Avoiding emotional honesty for fear of conflict
• Using criticism, defensiveness, or sarcasm as weapons

When communication feels like a minefield rather than a bridge, disconnection takes root. In therapy, I help couples slow down these reactive patterns and learn new ways to express themselves — not to “win” arguments, but to truly understand each other. Using the gentle techniques of Acceleration Resolution Therapy® (ART), we can also address the emotional triggers underneath the surface, helping both partners feel calmer and safer in conversation.

2. Intimacy Has Faded — and You Feel More Like Roommates Than Partners

Intimacy goes far beyond physical touch. It’s about emotional closeness, vulnerability, and feeling genuinely seen by your partner. When that spark fades, you may start to feel more like co-managers of a household than two people sharing a deep bond.

You might notice that affection feels mechanical or rare, conversations feel shallow, or your sex life has dwindled. You might long for the days when you laughed easily together or shared dreams about the future.

If you find yourself thinking, “We just coexist,” it’s time to pause and reflect.

A couples therapist can help you rebuild intimacy by exploring what created distance in the first place. Sometimes it’s unresolved hurt, chronic stress, unspoken fears, or simply years of putting everything else — kids, work, responsibilities — ahead of your relationship. Therapy provides space to reconnect emotionally, rediscover physical closeness, and reignite the sense of partnership you once had.

3. Trust Is Damaged or Feels Unstable

Trust is the soil from which safety and love grow. Once it’s shaken — whether by betrayal, dishonesty, or emotional withdrawal — the relationship can start to feel uncertain and fragile.

• Signs of trust issues might include:
• Keeping secrets or avoiding difficult conversations
• Feeling anxious about your partner’s honesty or commitment
• Replaying past hurts and being unable to move forward
• Having difficulty being emotionally or physically vulnerable

Rebuilding trust doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible. Therapy offers a structured, non-judgmental space where each partner can express their pain and begin to rebuild safety.

With the help of ART, we can also work through the emotional memories or trauma responses that keep both partners stuck. Instead of constantly revisiting the same wound, therapy helps you process it and start fresh — creating new patterns built on honesty and empathy.

4. You’re Stuck in the Same Arguments Over and Over

Every couple fights. Conflict itself isn’t the problem — it’s how you handle it. If your disagreements feel repetitive, unresolved, or increasingly bitter, it may mean there’s a deeper issue at play.

You may notice that small disagreements quickly spiral into full-blown fights, or that you always end up back at the same argument no matter what the topic is. One of you may shut down while the other pushes harder to be heard, leaving both of you frustrated and disconnected.

The truth is, many recurring fights are not about what they seem. They’re often about unmet needs, emotional triggers, or patterns formed long before you met.

Couples therapy can help you recognize these patterns and shift them. By slowing things down, we uncover the why behind your reactions — the underlying emotions driving the argument. Through this process, you’ll learn to communicate without attacking or defending, and to repair after disagreements in healthy, lasting ways.

Using ART, I also help partners release the emotional “charge” behind old conflicts so that the same topics no longer feel explosive. When the emotional storm quiets, it becomes possible to listen again — and to love again.

5. Major Life Changes or Ongoing Stress Are Undermining Your Relationship

Even the strongest couples can feel shaken by big life transitions or chronic stress. Marriage, new parenthood, job loss, relocation, illness, caregiving, or the death of a loved one can all put immense strain on a relationship.

In times like these, partners often move into “survival mode.” One may withdraw to cope, while the other seeks more connection — and both end up feeling misunderstood. Over time, what was once teamwork can start to feel like parallel lives.

You might notice:

• Increased irritability or emotional distance
• Less time together or little enjoyment of shared activities
• Feeling like you’ve lost sight of each other’s needs
• Difficulty balancing responsibilities with emotional connection

Therapy can help you navigate these transitions intentionally, rather than reactively. It’s about re-establishing communication, clarifying priorities, and finding ways to support each other through stress rather than letting it divide you.

In my practice, I often use ART techniques to help partners process the emotional weight of change — grief, fear, overwhelm — so that you can move forward as allies instead of adversaries.

What to Expect When You Begin Couples Therapy

Deciding to see a therapist together can feel daunting, especially if you’ve never done it before. But once you take the first step, you’ll likely find it’s less about blame and more about growth.

Here’s what the process often looks like:

Initial Assessment and Goal-Setting:
We’ll explore your relationship’s current strengths and challenges, then identify your shared goals. This helps ensure therapy is collaborative — not one-sided.

• Creating a Safe Space:
  My role is to hold a balanced, non-judgmental space where both partners can express themselves honestly. No interruptions, no blame — just mutual understanding.
• Learning New Skills:
  You’ll learn evidence-based communication tools, emotional regulation techniques, and strategies to resolve conflict productively. These are skills you can use for life.
• Processing Deeper Emotions:
  Through ART and other relational approaches, we’ll address any lingering hurt, trauma, or fear that keeps you both stuck in unhealthy cycles.
• Integration and Real-World Practice:
  Growth happens between sessions. I’ll often assign small exercises, reflections, or conversations to help you implement what you’ve learned at home.
• Reconnection and Renewal:
  Over time, therapy helps you move from reactivity to responsiveness, from blame to curiosity, and from distance to closeness.

Why Waiting Too Long Can Make Things Harder

Many couples wait years before seeking help. In fact, research shows that couples often struggle for an average of six years before entering therapy. By that time, resentment and disconnection have usually built deep roots.

But the earlier you seek support, the more flexible and hopeful your relationship remains. Don’t wait until you’re on the brink of separation or feel like strangers sharing a roof. The best time to start therapy isn’t when things fall apart — it’s when you notice they’re starting to drift.

Therapy is proactive care for your relationship, much like regular check-ups are for your health. Addressing issues early helps prevent deeper fractures later on.

Why My Approach Is Different

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and certified Acceleration Resolution Therapy® practitioner, I bring both traditional therapeutic tools and innovative, neuroscience-based methods to my work with couples.

ART allows us to identify and resolve emotional blocks at their source — often much faster than talk therapy alone. Whether we’re addressing communication breakdowns, rebuilding trust after betrayal, or reigniting intimacy, my focus is always on helping both partners feel safe, seen, and supported.

Each couple’s dynamic is unique, so our sessions are tailored to your specific needs and pace. My goal is not just to “fix” problems but to help you grow together — with more understanding, respect, and genuine connection.

Final Thoughts

Relationships don’t have to be perfect to be fulfilling. They just need care, intention, and willingness from both partners to keep growing.

If you’re noticing communication breakdowns, fading intimacy, damaged trust, repetitive conflict, or life stress pulling you apart, consider that as a gentle signal — not of failure, but of readiness.

Couples therapy isn’t about pointing fingers; it’s about learning to see each other clearly again. It’s about rediscovering the partnership you both deserve and remembering that love, when nurtured, can heal.

Taking the step to seek help is an act of love — for yourself, your partner, and the future you’re building together.

• Insurance: While I don’t accept insurance, I can provide you with a “Super Bill” to present to your insurance company for reimbursement.
• Fees: Flat rate fee for couples, families, and individuals, regardless of number of people in the session.
• Cancelation: There is a 48 hour cancellation policy.